Don't Make Your Friends Chase You
W O R T H I T .
*Disclaimer: Photos in blog do not correlate with subtitles or words said in blog. All of my personal relationships are kept confidential so these are just some fun photos with friends :) *
Friend breakups. They can be harder than breakups with your S.O.
But, what makes this so tough?
When you find a good friend, a best friend, they become your person. The one you tell literally everything to, who you can be 100% honest with and expect the same in return. You go to them for advice when it's a subject too weird to ask your family. You spend all of your down time with this person and one day, poof! They're gone. But why? Why does this happen so much? Does someone move away? Was there a big fallout that you can't forgive each other for? Did you simply just grow apart?
Well, whatever the reason, swallow your pride and reach out to your person.
Yes, I said it. Reach out to them. Right now.
It can be a simple text, a letter, even a phone call if you're feeling frisky. But, REACH OUT.
Ok scenario 1: One of you moved away
Distance can be tough on friendships, especially when you move away for college. You have so much on your plate and high school now is just a distant memory. Well, leave your gym coach behind, but not your person. Make sure they're okay. That you haven't forgotten about them. Always plan a meetup. When you hangout, plan another time together before you leave again. You never know when you will crave this person's presence, or just NEED them, so don't make them the least of your priorities just because you moved onto something new. This isn't your boyfriend where you feel like you're being too needy when you call/text them all the time. This is your best friend. They need to know you're still there despite the distance.
This one sucks. It can be really freaking hard to swallow your pride with this one, but just do it. If you messed up, own up to it. Let them know you're sorry. If they forgive you, move on and do everything you can to gain trust back. If the don't, give them time. If they still don't, that's on them, and they just lost a great person. You did all you can.
Now if they messed up, YOU forgive and forget. This isn't permission for them to walk all over you, but we are all human. We all mess up. Accept whatever happened for what it is and just move on. Life is too short. Don't throw away a pure and wonderful friendship for some petty argument. It's not worth it. However, if they continually hurt you or mess up, you can't dwell. Just express what it is that they are doing wrong and WHY it is hurting you. If they chose not to change, that's on them. Then it's your turn to move on and put your energy towards something or someone else, but point is, don't hold a grudge over one or two little mistakes. A mentally strong person forgives and forgets. Remember that.
Scenario 3: You Grow Apart
I would say this is the most common way to lose a friend. Maybe they're going through something, maybe you are. Maybe they started hanging out with someone else, got a new job, found a new hobby etc. but you're both busy and before you know it it's been three months since you've spoke to someone you used to speak to everyday. Yikes. What now? Conversation is awkward. Texts exchanges are short and generic. You always say you need to hangout but never make the plans. Now you're strangers. Now you're looking back on old Snapchat memories and feel sick to your stomach because you miss that friendship more than anything.
So now what? Well, you make the plans. You text them and you give them your schedule. You find a day and time to get together, even if it's just for coffee, but you make plans and commit to them. Don't bail at the last minute. Don't say you're too busy. Just go. Just being back in their presence can do so much good, and it might be just the thing you need to get out of your friendship funk. But make time for them. Find time. Once you get together, keep the momentum going. Commit to doing this once a week or once a month. But just go, and mold that friendship back together. It's natural for people to grow apart, but if someone really means that much to you, you fight for them.
It's not always their fault. Sometimes you just need to own up to your mistakes and mend your friendship back together. Sometimes it's not even your fault, but you need to be the bigger person and do the hard work. At the same time, don't let anyone walk all over you. Don't let anyone fool you three times. You'll know when someone genuinely cares about your friendship and when they don't. Go with you gut. Just don't let your real friends chase you.
Make mending friendships your BISH.
xoxo,
Aubs
Love this Aubs it’s was such a god read!!!! Xoxo
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